When the new facebook came out I was like, “Oh, I’m going to write as many jokes about people’s reaction to the new facebook as I can in twenty minutes! Then I’ll use the material before it goes stale! Well, the expiration date came and went and people didn’t make as big of a huff about it as I thought they would, so I thought I’d toss the scraps into this comedy hole called a website. Enjoy!
Me: This new facebook is terrible. I reckon it’s like 10 dirty diapers being dropped on my face from a fair distance, slowly and one at a time.
Myself: I agree. The next thing that pops into my head after I think of the new facebook is Simon Cowel’s taint.
I: You’re preaching to the choir. Every time I log in I slide my drawer open and look longingly at a loaded .357
Me: When I try to find the news stream on the home page I get a sudden urge to watch the movie Gigli
Myself: Trying to find my inbox is like trying to find an atheist in Jerusalem.
I: I’d liken the new facebook to pouring vinegar and salt on a fresh tattoo of satan’s anus.
Me: I think I’d rather enter a prison in Korea buck naked with a tattoo of kim jong ill holding my bollocks than live in a free world with the new facebook.
Myself: If I had to choose between being shot in the face and dying or the new facebook and living. I’d choose living, but it’d be close
Me: If I had to choose between my precious 2nd most recent facebook dying or Michael Jackson dying I’d pick Michael because 2nd most recent facebook was like a thousand Thrillers and three less diddling charges.
Myself: When facebook glitches it always opens with “Oops”. Are they 14 year old girls or are they assuming we’re 14 year old girls?
I: The hardest part of waking up is the new facebook in my CUP
Me: You know what, I’m already kinda used to it
Tim: Yeah it’s really not that bad.
End.
Written By: Timothy “Blaxploitation” Gray
