Today marks the 32nd day that I have been living in England and I haven’t published a single story from the UK chapter of my Euro Adventuro. It only took me about two days in Amsterdam to post up my perceptions, yet over a month to get my thoughts out about England.
It’s not that I haven’t been inspired and, indeed, writing. I ended up accumulating 16 pages on my Amsterdam adventuros (part 2 coming soon) and I have a good 10min of stand-up material about the UK in development at the moment (vid coming soon). So, in a desperate attempt to keep this website alive I’ve chosen 3 subjects to share my thoughts/observations on in this verbal equivalent to a Gray Area of Comedy laxative (in stores soon).
Personal Identity:
By immersing myself in different cultures and exposing myself to different shades of human, I’m hoping my sense of self will grow stronger and I’ll become more capable of delving into what defines my character. I do believe that it’s working, but I’m struggling to find a balance between finding the core of who I am and making room for the layers of experience that constantly re-shape my identity. The “finding oneself” journey might be just be a bag of bollocks though, so I’m careful to leave it at the door when adventure is on the horizon.
The more time I spend in Europe the less comfortable I feel about being proud to be a Canadian. Don’t get me wrong, I’m irrationally proud to be FROM Canada, it’s just that the more ambiguous our national identity becomes, the more ambivalent I feel about being proud to be a Canadian. It’s too close to a blanket term. I haven’t even traveled East of Winnipeg, besides a family trip to Halifax. But, we flew there so I still haven’t seen what the country has to offer on that side of her. It’d be like someone from London saying they’re proud to be from the same continent as Paris. And if you know the relationship between France and England (the Norman Conquest of England in 1066 and the nearly 1,000 years of on-and-off fighting/defending) that’s not likely to happen. Perhaps it’s the diversity and ambiguity that I should try to be proud of instead of trying to pin it down to some feeble synopsis.
Television:
British television has produced countless great programs all the way from Monty Python to Top Gear. But, it also has a lot of shit. Case in point – Dancing on Wheels. I saw a listing for it on the BBC iplayer thinking ‘awesome, I love rollerblading’ only to find the show’s title refers to professional dancers trying to get people in wheelchairs to learn the Tango. I’m not saying people in wheelchairs should be restricted to certain activities. I’m just questioning the motives behind the producers who thought they could capitalize off the handicapped. You know what happens if that show get’s popular, right? There’s going to be spin off’s like ‘Dancing on Wheels on Ice’, ‘Dancing with Celebrities on Wheels on Ice’, and ‘Dancing with Celebrities on Wheels on Ice on Fire’ (I’d probably watch that one).
I’m not saying Canadian television doesn’t produce shit shows. That “Celebrities Dancing on ice” template has certainly been done. They called it “Battle of the Blades”. Except all of our Canadian celebrities are hockey players. So it’s just a bunch of grizzly, toothless heathens dancing in a hauntingly graceful way while a track of Claude Lemieux butchering Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” faintly plays in the background reminding us all to stick to what we do best.
Drinking:
“In Canada alcoholism is a serious disease. In the UK, alcoholism is a family tradition” – Glen Foster.
Whenever I tell that joke to a Brit they usually reply with a chuckle, a cheers, and a chug. According to OECD Health Data from 2005, the average UK citizen drank 11.2 liters of pure alcohol while the average Canuck drank 7.8 liters (Ireland downed 13.5 liters while Luxumberg drank the most at 15.5 liters… France is 2nd with 14.8 litres…sorry Brits). Personally, I like it out here because if I order a beer with/for breakfast I’m not standing out amongst fellow patrons, I’m fitting in.
Most of the pubs and clubs are open until 4 or 5 in the am out here too. It makes for a completely different dynamic amongst my drunken peers at the clubs. In Canada, the bars close at 2:30am by law and last call is typically around 1:30 or 2am. So, you show up fashionably late at 11pm and then the scramble to meet/talk/flirt/annoy/offend ladies starts at midnight and you really only have 45min to an hour to enjoy yourself. The rest of your time is spent waiting in line to get a drink, going out for smokes, trying to find who you came with and sending inappropriate and barely discernible text messages to people of interest.. Out here, people don’t even show up to the clubs until midnight. So, imagine a Canadian clubbing experience like that with an extra two hours of pre-gaming with friends and an extra two hours of honey hunting and rejection! Such a good time…
…
Well, I think I’ve covered those three topics as thoroughly as I can at the moment. I’ve had a lot of bizarre and obscure things happen so far too that I’ll hopefully get around to writing about. For example, last night as I stood outside smoking I watched some begrudged labourers leaving a construction site with a big generator. Then they stopped, saw me and my friend standing at the top of the hill, one of them approached us, said ‘alright?’, we said ‘alright’, and then they went back to “work” lugging that generator out sight as quickly as possible. All the while we’re standing in this peaceful and utterly British fog. Brilliant.
To be continued…
Jolly Good, young man! It looks as though you’re fitting right in. I recall your visit “down east” very well and our trip to Lunenburg. Enough of that for now. Your perspective of England is a little different then mine, but then again I was there 25 years ago. Keep a stiff upper lip. you know!!